Humans are social animals, so the innate compulsion to socialise and share is irresistible. Ever happened when you look forward to meeting your BFF to catch up and share everything- from your latest love life updates to work woes? Venting immediately feels relieving as if a weight is lifted off your shoulders.
But are you often in the habit of escalating from casually sharing the stresses of your life to oversharing more distressing events that might even be uncomfortable or unsolicited for the listener? Does this apply to acquaintances too? The escalation in the conversation is drastic-for instance going from light conversations about work stress or skipping pilates classes to heavy and disturbing like parental neglect and abandonment. It goes on without how the listener feels about it.
This is trauma dumping and it puts the listener in an awkward position. In an interview with HT, Dr Arti Anand, Senior Consultant of Psychiatry at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital in New Delhi, explained more about trauma dumping and how to avoid it.
Understanding trauma dumping
Dr. Anand emphasised that there’s a fine line between venting and trauma dumping. She elaborated by saying that this unsolicited sharing of disturbing situations, without checking if the listener is willing to engage, is often driven by a desire for sympathy at its core. Dr Anand delved into the mental psyche of the person trauma dumping.
Lack of self-reflection
They share their perspective without a strong need for validation, disregarding whether the listener might find it triggering.
Dr Anand said, “Trauma dumping happens when you don’t want to or have the ability to self-reflect or bring responsibility and accountability to your side of the story. It is only just to get other person’s attention and validate your feelings and thoughts.”
One-sided storytelling
Recounting an experience to someone who wasn’t involved is easier, as they hear only one side of the story and are more likely to believe it.
Dr Anand explained,”Trauma dumping seems very easy and simple way to express one side of a story without getting judged, reprimanded or belittled.”
Ulterior motive
When someone overshares, they understand that the listener is empathetic and a good listener. There’s a dual motive here. The first is to find such listeners, as Dr Anand added: “People look for empathetic and good listeners for their trauma dumping, as empathetic and sensitive individuals would feel sorry for them and genuinely try to help them.”
Their sob story makes the listener feel pitiful but as Dr Anand pointed out many people take empathetic people individuals for granted, using their warmth and compassion for selfish reasons. They may ask for unfair favours or requests, making it difficult for the listener to say no.
How to keep people from trauma dumping on you ?
When you feel the person you’re talking to has digressed from the conversation and is steering it toward more intimate, personal discussions with heavy, traumatic elements, speak up immediately if you are not comfortable.
Dr Anand said, “Setting boundaries by conveying to the person that they don’t have the capacity to listen at the moment and ask the person to change the topic. Also, be mindful of the length of the conversation or withdraw from that whenever needed.”
How to keep yourself from trauma dumping?
Sometimes inadvertently, people may gravitate toward their traumatic experiences and confide in someone they met only an hour ago. Perhaps a topic or word triggered those heavy memories, but does that mean you should overshare everything?
Dr Anand posed an important question for those who trauma dump often. “Practice self-reflection by asking yourself if you’re looking for advice or just a listening ear. This will help you frame your conversation better.”
Furthermore, she reminded that people who engage in activities like journaling, meditating, or listening to music are more likely to recognize what triggers them to trauma dump. Sharing can definitely lighten the emotional load, but revealing personal trauma doesn’t have the same effect. Dr Anand suggested seeking professional counselling or psychotherapy from a clinical psychologist if something is particularly stressful.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.